Last week, I promised to share one of my favorite methods for using my will and my mind to shift my perspective when my circumstances are tempting me to dwell in negativity.
In sales, there’s a closing tactic called the Ben Franklin close. Take out a piece of paper and draw a T in the middle of the page, making two columns. On the left side, make a list of everything that is exactly right, right now. For instance: are you warm, dry, fed, healthy, are your bills paid, are you loved? What else is good and perhaps a reflection of your answered prayers, dreams and wishes?
On the other side, write out what’s not as you would have it, in this moment. In other words, what does the bird poo look like in your life today?
Which list is longer? I’m guessing and hoping that most of you have a longer list on the left side. But sometimes, we get so blinded by the junk, that it’s hard to acknowledge anything is good, or find the willingness to count our blessings.
No matter how many things are on the right side of your columns, every single one of those can be flipped into sources of gratitude. Every. Single. One.
I haven't experienced a tragedy that didn't also bring gifts. Nothing is ever all bad. Our perspectives can change, even when our circumstances don't.
The bird poo that landed on me and my notebook while enjoying my new hammock swing in our future backyard gave me several gifts:
I realized how much I appreciate clean paper, but that it doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things if my journal entry will forever have dried excrement on it.
The experience gave me something to write about to you.
It reinforced a powerful lesson about perspective and the importance of where I choose to put my focus (not letting small and smelly things derail me).
It showed me on a minor scale that I have the ability to handle adversity and choose to get back to what’s good.
It gave me and my husband something to chuckle over as I enjoyed the gift he gave me.
And it created a memorable "christening" for my new swing, amidst a near perfect moment.
I realize that my example is a mild comparison to many of the things you may be struggling with. There's always regular life stuff to deal with, plus we're all facing these uncertain and unprecedented times, and the challenges arising as a result.
And yet the same principles do apply. If you didn’t stop earlier to write out your columns, I strongly encourage you to try the Ben Franklin exercise.
One area I’ve had to practice what I preach is in regards to building our forever home. For the longest time, we couldn’t find land that was within our budget. That finally happened a few years ago, but we’ve encountered other significant obstacles that have distracted us from our dreams.
Side note:
A bonus lesson for today is about forcing things to go my way, when all signs point to “no” or “not right now.” When doors don’t seem to be opening how and when I want them to, I’ve learned not to compromise what I need to make things happen in my timing. Forcing solutions is usually not going to yield a peaceful or optimal path.
Back to today's lesson...
For various reasons, our building timeframe still remains unknown. I could be upset about that. I do get frustrated, but I trust that it will happen in the right timing, with the right builder.
When I get down about it, I bring myself back to the miracles that are present in my life today. There are situations I prayed for five years ago that are now resolved favorably today. It’s easy to take them for granted after some time passes, but with intention, I can remember how hard I prayed, and realize once more, how thankful I am.
To counter any negative thoughts, I also go through the Ben Franklin column exercise above to get back to being thankful for the home and the life that we have right now.
Is it where we want to be? No, we want to be on our land. Is it plentiful and spacious and warm and safe, and does it have everything else we need for now? Yes it does. And ... I remember that at one time, this house was an incredible answer to prayer. Thank you, God!
When we can be grateful for everything the way it is right now, more things come into our lives to be grateful for.
Life doesn’t always serve us exactly what we want, in the way we want it, when we want it. But if we take a thorough inventory of all that is good when something gets us down, most of us will realize we’re still coming out ahead and living beautiful lives that are full of gifts.
