This summer, I was a guest at someone’s new house for a fun day at the lake. There wasn’t a hook or towel bar for me to hang my wet towel. The glassed-in shower went all the way to the ceiling so I couldn’t drape it over that either. I hung it the best I could on the corner of a shelf.
I went back into the guest bathroom later and found my wet towel in a heap on the floor. I was so glad I discovered it first, rather than my friend walk in and assume that I had carelessly left it that way.
At times, my belief from childhood that mistakes aren't allowed still shows up in my adult life. I think I must be perfect and everyone else must think I’m perfect. Too often, I worry about what people think of me and I’m afraid they’re going to assume the worst about me if there’s any room to doubt my actions. It‘s exhausting holding myself to such high standards, which of course I cannot meet.
Another insight I had about this towel incident was how often, when the roles are reversed, I make incorrect judgments about other people. Had I been the host and walked in to see a wet towel on the floor, I would have probably made a negative judgment, because there actually were hooks available, but they were behind a row of decorative towels and easy to miss.
How often do we give people the benefit of the doubt?
Sometimes it doesn’t even occur to me how else something might have happened, beyond the negative assumptions I make up, based on how things appear. I see a situation and assess it by what seems most obvious to me. When it's not how I would have done it, I judge people for not doing it the right way (my way), or being lazy, thoughtless, insensitive or whatever. Judge, judge, judge.
I may hold my assumptions as a ongoing judgment on that person and keep score by adding it to any other “errors” they’ve made. Unchecked, my negative feelings grow and stand between me and that person. Sadly, much of the time it’s only real in my mind. They may have had good reasons for their actions that I hadn’t considered, but I didn’t take the time to ask for more information.
I want to be the host that walks into that bathroom, sees a wet towel on the floor and assumes my guest tried to hang it, but it fell. I want my thought process to be that automatic in believing the best about people.
I also want to be the person that can trust that other people will assume the best about me. That despite what something looks like, I can be confident that they'll know I did my very best based on the resources I had, and that I wouldn’t willfully be insensitive, offensive, disrespectful or any other negative judgment I may fear someone will believe about me if I’m less than “perfect.”
Today, let’s give grace and trust we will receive grace from others. Let’s cut ourselves some slack too. For any place where we’ve been keeping score, let’s initiate open, honest communication, seek additional information, forgive if necessary, and throw the score card away.
Even if someone else isn’t open to discuss hard topics or can’t/won’t hear our perspective, we can choose grace anyway, set ourselves free and move on.
Wishing each of you, and myself, more grace in relationships. Cultivating these qualities is bound to help:
Gratitude
Respect
Affirmation
Courtesy
Empathy
Do you have another acronym for grace or how would you define it?
