My outside kitties (formerly ferals) are constantly bringing “toys” into the garage, or pieces of them, sadly. Sometimes I walk down at just the right time and am able to rescue whatever poor creature has found its ways into my garage via “cat lift.”
Two weeks ago, I managed to save a baby bunny from the jaws of my big outside tom, Glen, and take it to a local wildlife retreat. I felt a little crazy with what was involved in rescuing that bunny: getting it away from Glen and the others, keeping it warm and safe overnight in a house full of cats, and then driving 45 minutes round trip to give it a chance at a new life. I knew that if my cats have discovered a rabbit's nest, the rest would perish anyway. I always tell myself it
matters to that one.
Last week, I fed the outside cats one morning, like I always do, and unlocked the garage’s cat door so they could go about their day. Not long after, I went back into the garage and noticed this little circle thing in the floor, not much bigger than a button. Turns out it was a tiny turtle shell. No sign of life though.
I picked it up and examined it and the shell was gorgeous and intricately detailed. It was covered in cat hair though, and the cats had clearly been playing soccer with it all night.
I wasn’t positive the turtle was still inside because it looked completely empty and lifeless. But as far as I know, turtles don’t leave their shells so I figured it had died in its shell.
When I go, I want to go out big. I want to go out spent. I want to know that I left it all on the table, nothing in the jar.
Seeing that poor little turtle apparently all bottled up inside its shell inspired me to make sure I don’t go out that way. I worry that too many of us do. We die inside our shell and leave our dreams and talents hidden: undiscovered and unexplored.
I was hoping there might be a way I could confirm the turtle was dead before I tossed it in the trash. Many of my cats’ victims are really good at playing possum. I turned it over on its back and with a little stick, gently prodded inside the shell. Movement! Aha! There was still hope. Perhaps its shell protected it from any serious injury.
I took it to the woods behind my house and turned it right side up in my hand. I guess it smelled the fresh air and started to feel safe, because a little head popped out. Tiny legs came out next and it started to crawl around my hand.
Trying to set something free with all the cats milling around me, wondering why I took their toy, is quite a feat. I distracted them with some extra breakfast so I could buy this little one some time and give her the best chance possible for new life. I hope she made it.
Today let’s ask ourselves what are the top two things we would regret not having done or developed if we only had a few weeks of life left?
Better yet, if you knew you only had five years left, what would you want to do, develop, or explore? What would you want to make sure you had brought to life, or perhaps had left behind, as proof that you were here?
I was asked that question about ten years ago and an answer came to me immediately. I haven’t done that thing yet. I did a few others that were of equal importance, but the first thing that popped into mind is still there. Waiting. A song to be sung.
Let’s not die inside our shells but instead, let's love and live full out all that we were given to do, to be and/or to leave behind. Spend some time meditating on what those things are and what steps you might be willing to take toward them in the next few weeks.
If the subject of dreams and goals feels overwhelming, we can prioritize them. What is the one thing you will wish you had given some attention to, if five years from now, you were to find yourself facing death?
Is that a morbid thought? Maybe to some. It’s helpful for me to think with the end in mind.
If I wanted something to be true when I died, what would need to be true, while I lived?
None of us are even guaranteed we will finish this day or this week. But today can be a starting point on the time we have left. Even if all we do right now is tune in to what our hidden or unrealized dreams are, that’s a big step.
Awareness is the beginning of many wonderful new things.
Next week, I will offer more on this idea and give some practical steps that have worked for me in uncovering more of why I believe I'm here. I’m also going to share something new I’m kicking around that may help those of you who could use some support in this area.
For now, let's imagine a life that is further outside our shells.
