Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. ~Ludwig Borne
Truth is like a surgery. It hurts but it heals. A Lie is like a painkiller. It gives instant relief but has side effects forever. ~Unknown
Recently, I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between two women who were apparently just getting to know one another. The first woman said, “I gained a hundred pounds going through menopause and haven't been able to get it off.” They exchanged a knowing glance and the other woman said, “I gained fifty pounds myself, almost overnight.”
Weight gain during menopause can be a problem, but for most women, it doesn’t cause them to gain fifty or one hundred pounds. In fact one
survey said the average woman gains five pounds in menopause, but twenty percent gain more than that. That means 80% of women don’t gain more than five pounds during menopause, at least
according to this survey.
I haven’t been able to forget that conversation or ignore the internal questions it brought up for me:
Where am I lying to myself? What am I justifying? What conversations am I having, where my friends and I help each other feel better about issues we don’t want to accept responsibility for?
Denial and lying to ourselves are profound stumbling blocks many of us struggle with. They are problems compounding whatever we are trying to justify. We can’t address what we refuse to name and are unable to be honest about.
I gain weight if I consistently put extra food in my mouth over a period of time. It tends to “happen” to me during the holidays. (Tis the season for denial and leggings!) But St. Nicholas isn’t doing it to me. Rudolph isn’t doing it to me. I’m doing it to me.
Usually I’m enjoying myself immensely, denying there will be any consequences. When my jeans are tight by January, I have to face reality. (Some of us found out that wearing mostly sweatpants and PJ’s during a pandemic can also allow denial to flourish.)
Owning something means keeping our power. Blaming someone or something for choices we’ve made means giving away our power and choosing to be a victim, choosing to stay stuck because “it’s not our fault.”
We may be honest as Abe Lincoln to others, but are we as honorable in the relationship with ourselves? Being honest about our choices and their consequences is a huge step toward personal integrity. It’s one of those really grown-up things we can do.
Life is full of triggers! Thankfully, I am able to recognize that the holidays are the trigger for my weight gain, not the gun. We each have to decide how to process those places where it's so easy to slide into a justifiable, but unwanted position.
We start by owning the truth about ourselves and our circumstances. Once we get honest and take our power back, we are more likely to have the courage and confidence to course-correct where needed.
For today and this week, let’s ponder where we might be deceiving ourselves. Let's be open to letting more light and truth come into those places. Freedom and growth aren’t gained by staying in the shadows, but by losing self-deception and moving toward truth.
