On April 11, I drove an hour to pick up a feral mama cat and her three, one-week old kittens from a lady who had trapped them nearby at the dump. She never tried to touch the mama while she had them because the mama growled and hissed and had obviously not been around humans. 

 

Once we were home, I carried them into a spare bathroom before I opened the crate. I had set up a "bed" in the bathtub using an under the bed storage container with a box standing up on its end to create more privacy.

I opened the crate and the mama tentatively eased out looking for an escape. She hid behind the toilet as far back as possible, growling and hissing. Carefully, I lifted the kittens out of the crate and into their new bed. I provided food, water and litter for mama and left them alone for the rest of that day.

The following day, I came in and the mama was in the bed with her kittens. I cracked open some smelly wet food and she curiously hopped out, letting hunger trump her fear. She growled though, even as she ate. 

 

When I foster cats, my job is to not only provide for their physical needs, but to also help them adjust to life with humans—the kittens for sure and we always hope we can transition the wild mamas also. 

While she was eating, I took a folded up washcloth and approached her, with my hands covered as a precaution. It was time to find out how feral she really was—if she would bite or scratch me or if she was just scared. Turns out the latter was true. She stayed on guard and ate her food, but allowed me to use the washcloth to stroke her body, while still growling.

Eventually she began to purr with petting and I could pet her with my hand as well as the washcloth. Her growling continued to be her usual greeting, but I felt confident after several days that she was using her vocal defense mechanisms to keep me on alert, but that she had no intention to use her other built-in defenses (claws and teeth). 

Slowly, I earned more of her trust. She still growled and sometimes hissed when I came in, even if just a few hours prior, we had had a great petting session. 

One day, as I was preparing her food, I heard her first meow. She growled, then meowed, then growled. I think she was as surprised by the meow as I was. She was finding her new voice! But she felt unsure about it I guess and quickly went back to the familiar growl.

I’ve had Dolly and her kittens, Willie, Waylon and Hank now for over ten weeks. The growling, hissing and purring have continued, but no more meows until a few days ago. 

 

Dolly recently had a bout with stomach issues and I had to quarantine her in another bathroom all by herself. On the second day as I was preparing her food, I heard it again … meow. Meow. Meow. I haven’t heard it since, but I bet I will as she relaxes and trusts even more.

Many of us have stifled our voices. We’ve stuffed our feelings and not spoken up when we’ve needed to. Or we’ve growled and hissed to keep people at bay so they can’t see how frightened and insecure we really are.

 

Maybe we have used our familiar defensive responses so often that we don’t even realize there’s a more authentic voice just waiting to be found and shared.

 

The first time we use our new voices may feel strange but the more we use them, the more natural it will become. We can be kind and still be firm, with the goal of expressing ourselves more accurately and fully.

 

I love the old saying, “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t say it mean.” (Anonymous)

How well and how often do you use your true voice, so that what comes out of your mouth is congruent with the truth inside you? 

 

During my early years of recovering from my eating disorder, codependency and having grown up in family dysfunction where I learned it was best to be quiet, I had to find the courage to start speaking up. I had to find my voice.

I received some advice back then and I’ve never forgotten it. “First we learn to use our voices to set boundaries. Next, we learn to do it with tact.” (I had a lot of trouble with the tact part and sometimes still do.)

Don’t worry if you still growl a little as you begin to say what you need to say, and ask for what you need. No one uses a new voice perfectly, whether feline or human.

 

Please remember, not everyone will be willing or able to receive our truths. We're all at different levels of openness, inner awareness and healing. But we always have choices about who to share ourselves with, if at all, and how often. 

 

 

Having the courage to express my authentic self, and learning when to speak and when to remain silent are lessons that are ongoing for me. How about you?

 

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I have many kitten photos and videos on my personal FB page under "Angela Thompson Howell." For those who are local, all are available for adoption approximately July 4. Reply to this email if you'd like more info.

 

BELOW: Mama Dolly and (L-R) Waylon, Willie (female) and Hank

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