Perfectionism is a devil of the worst kind. It kills my joy. It steals my peace. It destroys my ability to enjoy all the good things that are happening in my life.
Too often, I live with a feeling of not being enough and I can pummel myself with shame day in and day out. I'll spend way too much time doing something perfectly when it was good enough an hour ago.
Regardless of what I'm doing, I can feel guilty that I'm not doing something else instead. Then I go to bed feeling discouraged by all that didn't get done, but it's because I set my day's expectations too high, not because I'm inadequate as a human. And I know better!
I tell coaching clients how detrimental perfectionism is and how they must turn their minds and thoughts to more kind and loving self-talk. And that they need to be less demanding of themselves. It's easy to dole out the medicine, but it's much harder to take it myself.
On my walk yesterday, I had the epiphany once again that I must be my own best friend! (This is one of the lessons I discuss in my free eBook, “Ten Secrets to Finding the Gift.) I need to talk to myself as I would speak to any friend in need of support, acceptance and encouragement.
Recently I resumed a nightly gratitude list, but I'm going to amend my practice. I want to focus on the gifts and what went right each day. But I also want to give myself credit for what I did well, no matter how big or small.
Yesterday, I showered and fed myself three good meals (basic things count because some days, even those things can prove difficult). I finally took a friend up on her offer to join her on the walking trails by her house. The scenery was unexpectedly stunning and we got to know each other better on our hour-plus walk.
I went to the post office to mail a few things while I was out. I paid bills, made some calls, nurtured all my fur buddies, and I wrote this blog. I made it to bed at a decent hour, after sipping a bedtime cup of tea. Actually, that sounds like a pretty good day ... a day that was enough.
A nightly recap adding up the day’s gifts, my accomplishments and self-care can take a day I might have considered to be lacking and help me see how good it really was, by putting on a new pair of glasses. It feels great to end the day contented instead of beating myself up for not being or having done enough.
Today I will decide what's most important and aspire to check a couple of tasks off my to-do list. I will also celebrate the time I spend nurturing relationships, resting and being good to me, whatever that looks like. Self-care is as important as all the other to-do's that are more socially admirable, or noticeable to others.
Hmm… maybe I will start a to-don’t list. The first thing on it will be to not allow a self-destructive thought to continue, the second I catch myself thinking one. I will immediately substitute it with a mindful check-in and ask myself, what’s perfect about this moment? And how am I enough, in this very moment?
A day well spent needs to be tallied by how it feels on the inside, more so than how it looks on the outside. Today, let's remember we don't need tangible evidence to prove that we're enough. Let’s celebrate good self-talk, great self-care and praise all of our personal victories.
Does this resonate with you? Have you found a way to overcome negative self-talk? I'd love to hear your comments in our
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