Growth and gratitude OR grievances and blame? My focus will always be stronger on one or the other. It's impossible to dwell on both.

 

One of the ways I have found to get out of blame and rehearsing grievances in my mind over and over (and over and over) is to turn my focus to gratitude. I'm not talking about choosing to be grateful for breathing, for toes, a sunny day or a roof over my head, although those are great things to appreciate. I'm talking about finding reasons to be grateful for the very person, thing or situation that is causing me so much pain or frustration.

 

But I'm not thankful for that/them! Trust me, I know. On the surface, it may be very difficult to uncover any possible gift in a difficult circumstance or a challenging person. And yes, we really may have been wronged. Yes, we really may deserve an apology, corrective action, or for something to happen in our favor to make things right or better.

 

Whether or not we ever get the empathy, validation or whatever else we wanted to happen or to not have happened, we are still in control of how bad we continue to make ourselves feel by how we're framing these things in our minds.

 

Let's consider the possibility that one of the obstacles in our lives right now is going to be the very thing that finally motivates us to do something we've been thinking about doing for a long time but haven't yet had the courage to do. It's amazing how uncomfortable we'll remain to "stay comfortable." Tough times can transform our lives if we will let them.

 

In some of my current struggles, I'm grateful to be finding my voice. I'm glad to be learning to discern what I really want and then to have the courage to take action, or make a request if it involves another person. We all grew up with outdated beliefs and one of mine is that I don't deserve to have needs or to take up much space. I'm constantly being challenged in that belief as situations and conflicts continually present themselves so I can choose to get big or stay small. Or ... to decide something may not be as I would have it, but it isn't really that important or worth an investment of my emotional energy to try to change it. That's a new response I'm practicing with conflicts as well.

 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, let's see if we can name one gift that we have seen, are seeing, or could possibly imagine seeing come from a challenging place we're in today. Setting blame and hard feelings aside, let's look deep for how a circumstance or person may be contributing to our growth, to helping us make new decisions, or for other resulting positive changes that may not have come about any other way.

 

When I'm able to find reasons to be thankful for the really hard things, suddenly my perspective shifts and I feel more surrendered and accepting. Gratitude for the tough stuff can shift blame and resentment into genuine appreciation. And that feels so much better than dwelling on what's bad about it.

 

Gobble, gobble, I'm grateful for each one of you!

 

I'm looking into doing a Cyber Monday special for those who want to purchase FTG books as gifts and want them signed and/or personalized! I'm exploring the best way to do that, but if you're interested, please reply to this email and I'll be sure to reach out to you one way or another. Happy Thanksgiving!