On my walk today, I came to a home where I frequently see a dog in the fenced-in backyard. He greets me on one side of the house and barks nonstop. When I pass by and he can no longer see me, he runs behind the house to bark at me from the other side.
Today I kept trying to say hello to him in between his barks but it was impossible. Every time I said, “Hello buddy!” he was already barking again and couldn’t hear me. Some of us act like the barking dog while others are continuing to try to talk to people who can’t hear us.
Barking dogs don’t learn much new. They have already decided how the conversation is going to go and are not open to a mutual exchange or unexpected gifts. To make matters worse, something inside prevents them from feeling heard (wonder why?), so they say the same things over and over and the cycle continues.
When you find yourself interacting like the barking dog, remember to take a break now and then and see what other people have to say. You might be missing the gifts. Yikes! This speaks to me because I can tend to have an agenda in a conversation when I need to leave more room for spontaneity. How often am I missing what could come as a result of a more relaxed dialogue? How much am I missing because I’m talking more than I’m listening?
Coming from the other side of this situation, too often we approach the same people and circumstances expecting different results. Hello insanity! If I try once to communicate with someone without success, saying it again or slightly changing the words usually won’t help. Besides that, it tends to increase my own frustration.
Thank goodness we can exit and enter a new conversation at any time. It may be painful to realize and accept that most barking dogs are never going to change. I’m learning that it’s less painful to accept that than to repeatedly try unsuccessfully to be heard. Less pain is good!
I want to remember that after a few failed attempts to be heard by someone, I need to accept that they’re not in the space to hear me—maybe not now, maybe not ever. I can save my breath for the moment and spread good cheer elsewhere, somewhere where it might be more welcomed.
Let’s pay attention to our conversations today and remember to give as well as receive. We may discover some unexpected gifts!
