If you’re celebrating Christmas today like I am, Merry Christmas! May you be blessed with lots of presence today so you can appreciate the real gifts of love, family and friendship.

 

When the festivities settle down, the next thing on our minds (besides gift returns) may be New Year’s Resolutions or the purposeful avoidance of such. As 2018 draws to a close, I want to challenge you to approach desired change in 2019 a little differently. I’ll use something I struggle with as an example.

 

I tend to be a do-aholic, which is is why I am so focused on being more mindful. I feel driven to do more while another part of me is rebelling against my unrealistic lists. This internal struggle can lead to days where I don't accomplish what I intended, but I don't give myself permission to have downtime either.

 

One time I was talking to my coach about my habit of sucking the fun out of life by making everything a chore or something to be checked off a list. She suggested I challenge that belief. I said, “It's not a belief, it's my behavior! I avoid doing things I really love to do because somehow in my mind I've re-classified them as work and the rebellion kicks in.” But I did concede that my behavior must be driven by a set of beliefs.

 

I spent some time journaling to dig for subconscious thoughts running in the back of my mind. I came up with three big ones:

 

Yikes! No wonder I stay busy staying busy and still often feel I'm never enough! I have some more work to do.

 

The first step in my coaching program is to help clients transform negative beliefs into powerful truths because the beliefs that dominate our minds are the ones that play out in our lives. I started doing this years ago as part of my personal journey and I continue to do this even now as needed. The daily meditation on December 25 in Finding the Gift summarizes my approach.

 

When we shift negative beliefs at their deepest level, our behavior changes accordingly because we are going after the root instead of trying to change the fruit. How pointless—fruitless— would it be to dissect an apple to attempt to modify an apple tree? But that's what we're doing with behavior modification attempts. No, it must be belief modification.

 
Most of us can easily identify our self-defeating behaviors—the things we dislike about ourselves that we want to change. Often, we've tried everything we can think of to bring about our desired results except the one thing that will work. We must root out the beliefs that anchor these behaviors and attitudes firmly in place.

 

 

Back to the apple tree example, if we want to modify an apple tree, something different must be grafted in at the root level. Read June 16, “Creating an Environment for Growth,” in Finding the Gift for a detailed look at this powerful metaphor about implementing desired change.

 

Is this a guarantee all our new intentions and resolutions will succeed? I wish. Our core, oldest beliefs may return again and again to test us to see if we are still susceptible to going back to our old ways. Prune them at first sight! That's so much easier than letting them get a firm hold on us again. The longer we let it go, the harder the effort it will take to remove them again. 

 

In order for me to change how I view self-worth and fun, I have to create new beliefs so my resolutions can become my reality. The old beliefs have been there a long time but with repetitive reprogramming, I can better align my intentions with my actions.

 

What follows are some of my turnaround statements, the powerful truths I will use to gradually replace the negative beliefs I listed earlier about fun and self-worth:

•    I enjoy rest, inspiration and restoration. 
•    Rest and fun are a valuable investment of my time. 
•    My worth is already established; its inherent! 
•    The way I spend an hour or a day has no bearing on my worth.
•    My worth is not debatable. 
•    I deserve to have fun!
•    I can try new things without any pressure to perform.
•    I give myself permission to make mistakes.
•    I give myself permission to "waste" time on purpose.

Can you see how this is different than merely resolving to have more rest and fun?

 

While this isn’t the first time I’ve addressed these issues in my life, each time I renew my dedication to change in this area, I grow a little more toward the healthy me I want to become. 

 

I am committed to reading these desired beliefs every day for a month at least. I have also recorded them into my phone and will listen daily to saturate my mind with these new truths. Each time we immerse ourselves in what we want to believe, we feel empowered and energized which provides immediate reward to motivate us to continue this new habit of reprogramming our minds. Over time, this is how we make real and lasting change.

 

How about you? Do you have a few beliefs that no longer serve you? Are you willing to implement change by examining the roots instead of the fruit? I am supporting you and cheering us both on! Let’s do this and get a jump start on having a more intentional and fulfilling 2019. If you want help and have considered working with a coach before, visit my coaching page to read more. I have two new client spots available.