Hi FTG friends, on August 12 and September 2, I shared "Spider Stick" Part One and Part Two.
If you missed those, you may want to read them first because today, I'm sharing Part Three, which totally goes against what I previously suggested.
Last week, I started out on a hike and found a choice stick to wave
across my path, knocking down spider webs, seen or unseen. I was going to get them before they got me.
After I bent down to grab it, I heard my inner guidance say, Throw down the stick and trust.
Huh?! I was reluctant. I didn't want to give up my stick. It gave me a feeling of control. I wanted to wag that stick the whole hike to make sure I didn't walk into a sticky spider web.
But the instruction was so clear.
Trust.
TRUST.
Ugh. Despite significant resistance, I threw the stick down and continued my hike.
Most of the time, the path is clear, or I can see the spider web in advance and duck out of the way. If I do walk into a web, it's not the end of the world. The avoidance and dread I feel about it happening is a much greater deal than the actual consequence of it happening.
I realized that holding that stick is kind of like going through life with an umbrella up, even on sunny days. Growing up in frequent chaos, I learned how to get and stay in survival mode. I did my best to make sure that nobody and nothing were going to get to me, and especially not by surprise.
Unfortantely, my survival tactics lasted a lot longer than my actual need for them. I kept my "umbrella" up, ready for anything. Always hyper-vigilant, in control mode, and ever ready to defend myself. I've used my umbrella to stay guarded against unexpected storms, or anything else that might disturb my peace.
But when I'm carrying my stick, or my "you can't get me" umbrella, I'm not totally free. One of my arms is full and unavailable to embrace my day and my life wholeheartedly. My self-sufficiency is often only an illusion anyway.
Plus, on a sunny day, the umbrella actually keeps the light out!
It's exhausting to stay in a defensive posture every waking moment. What a waste of energy to carry defense mechanisms all the time, when I only
occasionally need their protection.
I want to hike freely, not constantly swiping at spider webs that probably aren't there. I want to live more free too, more trusting that I am safe and secure most of the time, and if
anything does happen, I want to trust that I will have everything I need to take care of myself.
Rarely is anything the end of the world, certainly not worth 24/7 defensiveness and loss of fully living the rest of the
time.
So, I didn't carry my stick that hike and guess what happened? I walked into three spider webs that day. Three! That's never happened before. At most, it's usually one or two. But guess what else? It wasn't that big
of a deal, certainly not worth wagging a stick every minute of every hike for the rest of my life.
Not waving that stick for all the times I won't walk into a spider web is worth the freedom, for the very few
times I will walk into one.
A friend of mine challenged me once about my umbrella theory for self-defense. She said if you aren't comfortable putting it down completely, would you be willing to switch to a clear one,
instead of a black one? At least then the light can get in and you can see your path fully. Oooh. Great advice! I don't have to give up my illusion of security completely, but I can aim to grow less defensive (especially when it's without cause).
What do you use to guard yourself against the unexpected and unpleasant stickiness of life? Words? Avoidance? Hiding and isolating? Keeping others at a distance? Staying small? Self-sufficiency on overdrive? Wealth? False confidence, making it look like you don't need anyone? I get it.
If you feel unwilling to let go of all your best survival tactics, what if just for today, you modified them down just a little and see how it goes? Maybe step by step, we'll see we really don't need to be as guarded as we once thought.
Today, I wish you full living with the use of your whole body, whole mind and whole spirit!
