What did Big Booty Judy, Patches, and their friends teach me?
Body language and tone of voice—not words—are our most powerful assessment tools. ~Christopher Voss
My neighbor has about twelve chickens, ten goats, six chicks, three dogs, two
cats, one rooster, and a horse named Big-Booty Judy. I’ve visited them once before and last week, I took our granddaughter to meet them. Animals can teach us a lot about relationships.
Patches, my neighbor’s very large, 230 pound goat, likes people. A LOT. Patches has no sense of personal space. You all know a goat, I mean, a human like that,
right?
Patches stands very close, demanding to be petted and scratched. I’ll go along for a little bit. When I turn my attention toward another, Patches will rub me extra affectionately (with all two hundred thirty
pounds of him) until I pay attention again, or remove myself from the interaction, which is ultimately what I have to do. Eventually, he gets the message and moves on.
We teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate, so much more than any words we use. There is nothing wrong with Patches and people like him. They get to choose how they show up for
connection.
But being cornered (or bullied) physically or verbally isn’t my cup of tea. When I no longer enjoy giving up my personal space, it is MY responsibility to move on to enjoy other goats (humans), rather
than demand that Patches or anyone else changes for me.
Big-Booty Judy.
Isn’t that fun to say? Try it out loud! I just had to write about Big-Booty Judy so you could have fun with her name. Big-Booty Judy is a beautiful brown and white horse weighing about fifteen hundred pounds. I’ve not been around horses a lot, only a few times in my life. I am in awe of them and am careful to be respectful of their size and their physical space requirements.
I know how to read a cat, and could almost do that in my sleep. Horses, not so much. My neighbor is teaching me a few things as we go, so I can learn what Big-Booty Judy is saying to me. (She really loves belly rubs and tilts her head in appreciation to invite more, more, more!) Body language is everything when it comes to animal conversations.
Maybe with humans, too?
When I can remember to do it, I like to challenge myself to focus more on what someone is telling me with their body and soul, instead of their words, so I can hear what their heart is saying. (Maybe what their mouths cannot say.)
I have experienced someone acting angry and standoff-ish, while sensing mixed messages, like their words were pushing me away even though that wasn’t what they really wanted or needed. They didn’t know how to connect or ask for love and support, and “being fine” or angry was their default setting. Yet, something in their body was contradictory, suggesting there was more to be heard.
Unfortunately, some words are hard to ignore and harsh or hurtful words can trigger my pride. If I respond to someone's verbal efforts to stay guarded and not vulnerable by throwing out a few sharp words of my own in response, we can both quickly travel farther from our hearts, and away from a meaningful connection.
Conversely, all it takes is one person to listen harder for the heart, while tuning out the words, to redirect an interaction to something more authentic and pleasing for both parties.
Big-Booty Judy has given me a fresh reminder to listen with my eyes and my heart first, ears last. With animals and with people I care about, I am newly committed to listen to heart-talk, prioritizing someone's unspoken needs over their contradictory words.
For today, are you willing to sharpen your other listening senses, and let spoken words take a back seat? Let's aim for more meaningful connections, with greater willingness to explore past surface talk, especially when words and body language don't match.
