When we moved in, we were welcomed (and welcomed, and welcomed) by a red cardinal. He greeted us at every window. He would look around and then flutter up to peck the window.
He would land and then flutter up to peck the window several more times, and then repeat this for each window throughout the house. All. Day. LONG.
All day long, we would hear this aggressive thumping on the glass,
starting at our bedroom window at 5 AM. It was disturbing and concerning. I hated it for him because he apparently "saw" a rival, and felt like he had to defend his territory ruthlessly. His incessant banging was a nerve-racking audible nuisance for us, in the midst of a wonderful, exciting time.
Our cats were quite thrilled once they figured out was happening and would run to meet him. Joining in with the cats, we also went window to window trying to capture his antics in videos and photos. Ever elusive, we tended to scare him off before we could capture anything, unless we were extra stealthy or just happened to already be in the room. Now four weeks later, we only hear him occasionally (as in once or
twice a day—a vast improvement, but still too much).
The cardinal must have sensed I was writing about him today, because as I wrote this blog, I heard him pecking in the piano room. I started the video in time to record
one loud peck, but he was gone before I could see him. Yesterday, I posted several photos and videos in the FTG Readers Group. He was persistent!
Since our move here and despite all the outside cats on patrol, I have fought a mouse in my car (may he rest in peace) and a serious batch of fruit flies. We're still battling a critter in the walls, but their days are numbered, too.
These are real adversaries. The cardinal is fighting our windows just as hard because he thinks there's a real threat and he must defend his position. It's mating season and much is at stake if another cardinal is encroaching upon his territory, as it appears to him.
But his threat is a mere illusion. A false assumption based on limited information, upon which he is acting on relentlessly. (He does pause dusk to dawn, thankfully.) He is waging all out war, only there is no enemy to fight except himself.
We even tried to make peace by hanging a birdfeeder in the front yard and sprinkling food all around the tree and on the front porch. Neither the cardinal or any of his buddies have accepted our peace offering. The birdfeeder sits full and untouched. (There's a blog in that, but I’ll save it for another day.)
How much time do we waste operating on just enough information to be dangerous, on details that aren't based in reality? How many days do we spend fighting against ourselves, raging against everyone and everything that we
perceive to be a threat to our security? How much energy do we spend battling and attempting to outwit these ghosts of our uninformed imaginations?
Reality is a valuable friend. I have to make decisions and carry
out actions based on reality, because anything else is likely going to lead me astray and/or leave me nothing but frustrated. Imagine playing a game of tag by yourself? That’s no more pointless than what the cardinal is doing, and what we're doing some days.
Unless I know a troubling thing to be absolutely true, I can decide to assume the best and conduct my thoughts and actions accordingly. When I don't have all the answers of why this happened or why he/she said this, I can feed the energy of "wishful" thinking, rather than embracing chicken-little syndrome, squawking paranoia and freaking out all day.
If you were to counsel a friend who was facing the same disturbances that you may be facing today, what hopeful observations could you make on their behalf that they may not have considered yet? If nothing else, maybe you could prompt them to ask themselves, “What else could be true?" The truth may be a lot
better than the awfulizing conjecture they are narrowed in on.
“How could this be serving me?” is another great question to ask ourselves when we're deep in negative thought. And, “What am I supposed to be
learning here?” Maybe even, “Why is this such a trigger for me?”
More often than not, the challenges from our past are coloring the way we see things today. Perhaps it's time to flush out the truth of those
circumstances? Maybe the people in the past were like the cardinal, also fighting against themselves with consequences that spilled over onto us?
When we act on a problem that doesn’t exist, we make it real and create
real problems. And then we perpetuate our troubles onto others.
An honest self-assessment is always helpful when we're confronted with a challenge. “Am I taking good care of myself?” is a clarifying question to ask,
because if I'm not, many things will feel worse (look bigger) than what they really are.
My perceptions could be distorted and I may react in ways I regret. If I'm under-rested and nourished improperly, I am more
prone to expending energy on mental warfare instead of pointing my efforts in ways that will bring satisfaction and fulfillment.
Checking in on my attention to, or avoidance of, self-care is often the way to begin
unraveling the truth about what’s real and seeing things right-sized.
For today, I will notice when I feel disturbed or threatened. I will ask myself, “Is this a real threat or something I think might be happening? What
else could be true? How could this be serving me? Am I seeing the situation from a right-sized lens?”
Until proven otherwise, let's go with an optimistic interpretation when we don’t know the whole story, which is most of
the time. Assuming the best feels a lot better, and lets me use my time and energy in more intentional ways. As we usher out negative assumptive thinking, we make more room for love, peace and acceptance of what is.
