Because of an early morning repair visit one day last
week, my walk was delayed until 10 AM. The sun was high and beating down, already 85 with a real feel of 100 degrees. I came upon my beautiful tree that I’ve written about recently here (Transformation Isn't Always
Pretty) and here (Hope Is a Decision).
She would normally offer me several seconds of cooling shade each time I went around the block. Not anymore. For a while, this dogwood tree will no longer provide housing to birds and squirrels, or cooling shade to anyone or anything.
When devastating things happen to us or around us that impact us in a significant way, it’s important to acknowledge that we’re not able to give to others in the way that we have done before. We’re in need of tender loving care—less demands, more gentleness.
In challenging situations, our self-care must be number one. We have to rebuild and replenish ourselves to become stable and sure-footed once more. We can’t give away what we no longer have in abundance. If we attempt to continue showing up to life and serving others in all the ways we did
before, we will leave ourselves even more depleted.
The people who know and love us will understand and give us the space we need during life setbacks. The ones who expect us to carry on so nothing changes for them, even
if it means putting their needs ahead of our own, show us they are probably not the people we need close in our lives. Challenging times make the cream rise to the top and reveal who cares more about “our doing” than “our being,” which lets us know who our real support team is.
Often, this dilemma of “self first” in difficulty presents a problem if a large portion of our self-worth comes from our doing. Being able to see that, even if it takes obstacles to make it apparent, is a gift. We can take healing and restorative steps when we can honestly assess where we’re at and where we want to be.
If we feel uneasy about not being able to do as much for others, despite a tough setback, especially when it’s clear to everyone else that we need to step back and heal, it’s time to invite curiosity about our motives to do for others, no matter what. What’s the hidden payoff? Can we be okay just being human for a change? If not, why
not?
We grow in the fires of life, as opposed to when we’re cozy and comfortable. When trying situations happen, they illuminate where we have changed for the better and where we still have room to grow. Maybe the latest
struggle is showing us that we still need to give ourselves more compassion and self care? Maybe it’s here to help us recognize what great human beings we are, and give ourselves permission to do less for a time, and to love ourselves enough to know that’s okay?
If this is a hard season, consider yourself to be a patient in the ICU (intensive care unit). But guess what? You are also the head nurse. You are your own patient and no one can make critical care decisions for you, but you. We can’t expect others to read our minds and ask less of us when life “over-serves” us. Our job is to assess our needs, know when they change, and use our voices and our actions to provide amply for ourselves.
We can’t give from an empty bucket. When we take time to refill our spirits, our bodies, our minds and emotions, we will soon be able to generously give to others once more.
Where are you today? What do you need? Allow yourself to name it, and then give yourself great care. Or, make the necessary requests from your support team and receive the care and provisions that come. Being willing to accept help or
kindness is a gift we give to others, not a burden. Today I support you being your best provider and advocate.
