An excerpt from: For One Who Is Exhausted, a Blessing by John O’Donohue:
Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they
have all the time in the world.
Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.
John Donahue wrote this
beautiful poem which I’ve shared in its entirety before (click the title link above to read all of it). I have the full poem printed and posted in my bathroom where I read it often.
One of his lines encourages us to
stay away from people who are vexed in spirit. I’ve known what he meant, but out of curiosity today, I looked up the word vexed and the list of similar words was long:
Difficult to deal with, annoyed, irritated, anxious, worried, frustrated, bitter, enraged, exasperated, indignant, offended, outraged.
Yikes! Even reading this list makes me want to run and hide! Occasionally I find myself out of sorts and can become that person momentarily, but I talk/pray/write it out and don’t live in that headspace. Unfortunately, some people are there more often than not. An
unsettled disposition has become a habitual way of seeing and experiencing their world.
Over the years, I have developed an allergy of sorts to spending much time with people who appear to be chronically vexed. I also
have a growing intolerance for conversations leaning more towards what’s wrong versus what’s right.
I grew up around critical, shaming energy where life's problems were not owned. They were always someone else’s fault. I
don’t want that negative spirit in my life anymore, whether it's directed at me or not. If the exposure is long enough, the toxicity literally creeps into my body, and I physically have to shake it off or walk it out to restore my peaceful being.
Some people might consider me highly sensitive, but I like the phrase I heard one of my comrades use, highly attuned. In a positive, uplifting environment, I am filled with joy, hope and wonder. In situations where negativity and critical opinions are being shared, my energy drains faster than a raft with a hundred holes. It doesn’t mean “they” are wrong, or that I’m overly sensitive. It just means we see life differently, and we allocate and expend
our energy reserves differently.
While we can’t remove ourselves from the presence of all vexed and negative people, we can limit our exposure as much as possible. This can be a challenge if it’s a boss, coworker or
close family member, but even in those situations, personal boundaries and plans for self-protection can be implemented. Recognizing what’s happening to us and knowing we don’t have to receive harmful rants are critical.
I used to feel guilty about having to remove myself from these types of people and conversations. I have apologized as if something was wrong with me. But after years of enduring conversations that held little value for me, I’m deciding life is too short. How polite is it really to participate in interactions we don’t enjoy, or that are making us physically unwell, while pretending that everything is fine? There's nothing authentic happening that's fostering connection.
We teach people how to treat us, and we also teach people what we will accept, including what we will listen to. I have conditioned people for years that I will listen to negative or critical rants. Here’s the best
part!
When everything is brought back to me asking myself, “How did I contribute to this circumstance or conversation that I find myself in?” I can take ownership for my part and take my power back! I
can’t change anyone else, but I can change me. I can speak up for my needs. I get to choose what I listen to, and who gets to speak into my life.
For the last two years, I’ve been tracking my time— where it's going and
how long things take. In conjunction with that, I have also been tracking my energy. Where does it go and how do I get it back? Time is a limited resource we only have so much of in one day, whereas energy is renewable.
I’ve been noticing what gives me life and what takes it away. I’m learning what replenishes my life-force when too much social interaction (or the wrong kinds) deplete me. For instance, having an interactive conversation with someone leaves me inspired, connected and content. However, listening to someone rant about a problem in a demeaning fashion (fueled by blame, shame, criticism and/or judgment), drains me of energy. Proactively discussing solutions to problems and bringing hope and
possibility into the equation may do both—give me positive energy, but temporarily deplete me too.
I used to think that once my energy was gone in a day, that was it until the next day, but that’s not true. As I’ve
discovered what drains me of energy, I’ve learned how to recover it as well: an easy conversation, a nature meditation, a walk, a period of silence, prayer, a whole lunch hour with physical and spiritual nourishment, doodling or escaping into my studio to create, and calming, inspirational music are some of the ways I restore my energy.
Going back to John Donohue and his lovely poem, oh how I long to be known as someone of ease, someone who makes others feel like we have all the time in the world. I’m working on it! I’ve noticed when I give myself adequate rest breaks during the day, and when I seek higher guidance through prayer and meditation, my clarity and focus become supercharged and I can
actually do more in less time, using less energy. That's been an amazing discovery. I can do more in less time when I am higher-powered.
What gives you energy? What drains you? How do you restore yourself when your
energy meter is sitting on empty? You and your life experiences are the best resources for determining your ideal self care. Knowledge is power so pay attention this week to what brings you life and what takes it from you.
Knowing how to keep our tanks full makes having a good day largely up to us. May awareness, favor and unexpected gifts find you open and ready to receive.
