We’ve been keeping a young friend’s seven-year-old
most every weekend for a while now, and recently, we bought her a bike with training wheels. Turns out, even riding with training wheels can be scary.
In the first five minutes, she went over the handlebars due to a
sudden turn caused by the uneven sidewalk. Thankfully, she fell into the grass with no harm done, except perhaps an increase in fear. Even so, she got right back up and tried again.
Bike riding was something she wanted to
do badly enough to take the risk of crashing again. The reward of learning to ride a bike was greater than the fear she felt about doing something new. As we discussed in Owning Our Choices on April 18, that’s the concession she was willing to make in
order to have something she wanted.
Later on, she was practicing making circles in the garage to get better at turning and having better control of the handlebars. She circled so long in one direction, she made me
dizzy!
After a while, I encouraged her to mix it up. I explained how to make a super eight and challenged her to try that. She thought about it and said no, she’s more comfortable making the same circles. I said,
We don’t grow when we stay comfortable. Try it and if you don’t like it, go back to what you were doing.
So I guided her through a few circle eights. She liked that a lot and continued to do them on her own. She
soon learned how to make even sharper turns on her bike, circling closer and closer to obstacles in the garage. Fearlessly.
Was she fearless on the first circle eight? No.
Was she fearless by the tenth one?
Yes.
Did she learn something new she really liked? Yes.
She decided to risk being uncomfortable and was rewarded with a greater level of fun on her bike. She learned what her bike was capable of and even more important, what she could handle.
Fear is a voluntary master. Ouch. But it’s true. Fear doesn’t hang around uninvited and unwelcomed. Fear is a natural human reaction, but it is only meant to stick around long enough to inform us for safety and decision making.
Some of us have let fear move in, keeping us preoccupied and small. One way I have used fear is to obsess about problems that don’t exist so I don’t have to be present and look at what is real. Up to now, it’s been a great way to nurture an illusion of control and to stay
relatively comfortable in the known.
Like my young friend, I’m ready to stop going around in circles and start doing some crazy eights, whatever that looks like for me. What are you ready to have the courage to do?
Courage is simply a willingness to believe in yourself and your capabilities. Are you willing?
Repeat after me:
I am capable, clear, curious and competent.
I don’t have to know how everything will work out, or how well I will be able to do something.
I just need to know what I want and
need.
I will take one brave action today and then see what the next right action might be.
Amen! We’re capable of more than we think. Good luck on your first crazy eight! Remember, it will get easier and more comfortable as you go.
