When’s the last time you asked someone for help?
When’s the last time you needed help and didn’t ask? Why is asking for help so difficult for many of us? Does it say we’re weak or somehow deficient, so we let pride keep us silent?
Are we afraid we’ll be bothering
someone and aren’t worth their effort or their time? Do we worry they’ll say, No, and then we’ll feel rejected or disappointed, so it’s safer not to ask? Whew! A lot of emotional baggage can go into our resistance to ask for help.
As someone who grew up self-sufficient out of necessity, asking for help is a muscle I’ve had to cultivate
over the years. It definitely has not and does not come naturally to me, because the last thing I want to feel is like a burden to someone else. But I’ve learned that asking for help may have the opposite effect, and may actually be received as a gift.
When is the last time someone asked you for help that was relatively easy to give? How did that feel?
Totally different scenario, right? If I have the power and ability to fulfill a need for someone, I feel great doing it. Most of the time, it’s really no trouble at all, and more importantly, gives me a sense of purpose, and a sense of connectedness in being considered trustworthy enough to be approached with a need.
Back in December, I shared in
the email entitled, “Why Is Receiving So Hard?” that for many of us, giving is much easier than receiving. But in order for the world’s greatest gift exchange to flow, we have to not only give of our gifts, but also regularly receive gifts from others. Before we can get
better at receiving, however, as indicated by the list I offered you in "Thriving No Matter What," we may have to get better at asking for help. If this has been difficult for you, start small.
When considering this topic, I thought back to when I last asked for help. We had a family stay with us a few weeks ago and they had a small dog that we intended to keep in a bathroom some of the time so our cats could come out of hiding. I ignored the thought that I didn't want to be a bother, and texted a few neighbors to see if anyone had a crate we could borrow. Someone did! It was a life saver.
A few weeks prior to that, I got a text from another neighbor who asked if we could take care of their guinea pig and check their mail while they were on vacation. Every time we go out of town, these particular neighbors take care of our outside cats. We’ve never gotten to do something for them to reciprocate their kindness. I was so happy to be able to finally be of
service to them.
Asking for little things prepares us to ask for bigger things. Even with bigger favors, we have to have the courage to ask. What we need may be easy for someone to provide, and then they get to feel good about being useful.
I have a challenge I discuss a lot in my talks, The Big Ask. (Make sure to enunciate the K really clearly!) Ask something ludicrous every single day, because occasionally people will say yes. This is slightly different than today's topic, because it's about being willing to really stretch outside our comfort
zones, but the essence is the same—being willing to humbly ask others for something that would help us. We may consider the ask a really big deal, but it be experienced as nearly nothing to the recipient of our request. We don’t know if we don’t ask.
We’re not meant to be fully self-sufficient. We’re created with a deep need to belong to something
greater than ourselves: a brotherhood and sisterhood. Letting someone into our lives to help us, whether in a small or big way, is a gift. We all want to feel needed and nurture our sense of belonging. Being asked for help gives us the beautiful privilege to participate and matter.
Life’s gift exchange is designed to be a win-win opportunity for
both parties, yielding mutual connection. Who can you allow the opportunity to give in some way to you today? Who can you turn around and bless? Great, now keep the gift exchange going, always remembering that asking for help is setting someone else up for a blessing, which is a generous thing to do.
