Recently I shared some good news with a loved one, plus my hopes for what's to come. Their unexpected response included negative assumptions and judgments, and I felt criticized for my role in the
story they were telling themselves.
I'm human and their words brought me down. I had to keep reminding myself of the truth, and carry on with gratitude and celebration.
What people say to us is often more telling about them than the actual situation. This person may have buried guilt about the things they assumed someone else was doing, and the only way to escape their own guilt and shame is to point a finger. I don't know, but it
doesn't really matter, because it's none of my business why they do what they do.
My job is to remain in truth and love.
My job is not to fall into judgment and the blame game.
My job is to not let their story-telling take me out of my joy.
Unfortunately, the only way I can practice a better response in these types of situations is to experience more of them. Rather than respond with judgment and equally inappropriate behavior, I am given the repeated opportunity to respond in love, patience and understanding, and to release defensiveness over their false stories and accusations.
If the shoe doesn't fit, we need to quit mentally trying it on!
The lesson doesn’t stop there. Every offense I see in others lets me take a deep look at myself and get honest. Where am I doing this same behavior? Where am I making assumptions, judging and blaming to avoid wounds I have not healed, and am working hard to keep buried? If I can’t think of any, I can ask to be shown where I may be doing something similar.
OR… Maybe I’m doing the exact opposite and am using a prideful spirit to elevate my position and boost a high opinion of myself. Cooking up a little “better than you” stew is a great way to keep my own guilt and shame at bay.
Pride, however, is as destructive as the other items at the hardware store, especially when it’s disguised as a beautiful pastry. Too often I convince myself I’m saying or doing the right thing, but pride is driving the bus. Even the right thing in the wrong
spirit is flawed.
No matter who’s doing what:
My job is to love.
My job is to forgive.
My job is to be kind.
And equally important, my job is to remember where my job ends.
Other people and their business have nothing to do with me, unless they are directly affecting me. Even then, my only job is to take measures to remove or protect myself. It’s not my job to make them behave better. I can’t do it anyway, and I’ll only make everyone (myself included) miserable trying.
I can’t force my way of life or my interpretation of certain standards on other people. To do so is to play God and insist I know what’s best for everyone. Love does not live in that type of manipulation and assumption. Love resides in humility and grace, and that’s where I want to live, too.
Frequently I have to remind myself that managing others is a job that belongs to God, and I am not God, not today anyway. Probably not tomorrow either.
Oh God, help me go forward this day, minding my own business and being the best person I can be, while assuming the best about everyone else. Help me to have grace, mercy and compassion when others disappoint me and do not perform to "my standards" for them. Help me to release any expectations I hold over them to be
a certain way, and instead, to accept and appreciate the good they do offer, remembering also that I am a work in process. Amen.
