Someone on social media frequently comments on my art posts with celebration, encouragement, and the occasional sideways comment. One time they joked that I should give up my coffee shop display
to let other artists have a chance to show their work (even though there are coffee shops all over town). Sometimes this person sends me a private message asking how I secured another exhibit, and I share what steps I took.
This weekend I posted new artwork and I received a message from them asking me to be their art mentor. Once again, I shared some things that are helping me and pointed them to some powerful resources. Do you ever get the feeling that people aren’t listening or taking any action when you share how they can help themselves?
Further into our conversation, I learned that they had previously asked another artist for mentorship. They were indignant when turned down, especially because this person felt she had proven herself worthy of this other person’s time and guidance. Uh-oh, can you detect that sense of entitlement?
Entitlement is a scary belief to behold. I have been there, thinking somebody owed me something, or that a super successful person should take a moment to pay it forward and help someone else. (They probably do that a lot, but can’t possibly do it for everyone who asks.)
Even with modest success with my book, I can’t tell you how many friends of friends of friends (people I don't even know) have contacted me, asking for a phone call or a meet over coffee so I could answer all their “how to publish a book” questions,
instead of doing their own research like I did.
Everything we want to know about is online, or at the library. There are like-minded individuals swapping ideas and tips on numerous chat forums. Facebook alone is
full of groups catering to nearly every profession and hobby.
Expecting to be spoon-fed the answers by someone else is a sure way to stay stuck and small. (A few weeks ago, I wrote about success and self-sabotage.
If you missed it, click here.)
I get the feeling what this artist really wants from me is some type of rescue—to help them skip the research and basic action steps so they can jump straight into a season of reward. Don’t we all want a short cut, if we’re honest?
Work takes work. Time takes time. There is no shortcut to get from point A to point B that lets us gain the same knowledge and experience as the person who travels the whole path.
There’s a big difference between being told and knowing.
Can I talk for just a moment about coachability? We have to set ourselves up to be a pleasant recipient
when someone does have time, experience and the willingness to share. There’s a person in a self-help group I belong to who is new and looking for someone to be her guide. She called me asking for suggestions and I told her step-by-step how to find the kind of person she’s looking for. She seemed to really hear me, or so I thought.
To my surprise, she is continuing to do the exact opposite of what I and several others have told her to do to find help. This demonstrates she is not coachable, not willing to put in the effort, and not someone who can follow directions.
In other words, even if she finds a mentor, she likely won’t listen, and thus will not be a fruitful investment of someone’s time and energy. It would seem she doesn’t yet have the gift of desperation and her excuses still outweigh her desires. When we’re in that space, no one can help us until we take full responsibility for our lives.
I’ve shared all of this to help facilitate an honest self-assessment. Awareness is the first step to making any change. If we can’t see what the problem is, especially if we are contributing to the problem, or we are the
problem, it’s pretty hard to change our circumstances and grow anything.
If this is hitting home with you today, Big Congratulations for having the humility to get honest. That’s huge!
It’s not about beating ourselves up when we’ve slipped into wanting to be rescued rather than be responsible. It’s about owning where we’re at and deciding that we’re ready to do something different. Real reward comes from
making a firm decision and taking repetitive action, while seeking ongoing support and inspiration to maintain our spirit of determination.
It’s TIME.
This Friday, I’m opening registration for a pilot program, tentatively titled, Ready, Set, Grow! which entails twenty-two days of forward progress, one small step at a time. Built to bust through fear and procrastination, and able to fit into the busiest schedule, Ready, Set,
Grow! will mobilize those who are tired of saying they’re going to do something, but never do. With daily accountability and support, we’re going to start a new trend of keeping self-commitments through micro movements. Don’t count yourself out until you see what I have in mind. Watch for an email later this week with all the details.
