Do you talk to yourself? If you don’t, you need to! We already have internal voices talking to us, so it’s up to us to decide which messages are going to be the loudest.
However, we don't want to ignore the parts of ourselves that are afraid to move forward—who show us their fear by providing a steady stream of discouraging thoughts. While those voices don’t have to run our lives anymore, they
do need our attention, or they will persist.
In my twelve-week coaching program, A Life Worth Having, the first module is about transforming our internal dialogue. We have to identify the negative messages that are playing on repeat inside our heads and swap them out for better ones. I tell my clients that if we don’t thoroughly complete module one, there’s no need to go on. If those voices are allowed to continue dominating their thoughts, battling their suggestions will be a daily fight.
If you’re up for it, choose a
thought that’s pestering you today. Go ahead, write it down now. (Really do it because I'm going to walk you through an exercise.)
I recently signed up for an online art sales course, so here's some of the junk in
my head today:
What were you thinking signing up for that course? You don’t have time to follow through on that, you’re already too busy. You’ve wasted your money. You need to stay where you are and do what you know.
UGH! Did you write one down too? Was it just as ugly and soul-crushing? We're going to deal with that, but before we shift our thinking, let’s explore the motive behind those negative, limiting thoughts.
I love to dialogue in writing with various parts of me. Somehow this seems to catch the internal censor off-guard and I’m able to score valuable insights by communicating directly from the part of me that is putting up resistance.
I find a quiet space and start by writing something like this:
Dear the part of me that is resisting this course,
Hello. I see you. That’s a pretty good laundry list of why you don’t think I should have signed up for that course. What
are you afraid will happen if I take this course? What scares you about me being successful in that area?
Let the resistance voice respond to you via your pen. If you are calm, open and willing, you may be surprised at the answers you receive. Journal back and forth, however that flows.
Then say:
I appreciate you protecting me all these years. You’ve done a great job keeping me safe! I’m ready to grow and expand
now. Please go outside and enjoy watching the birds, I’ve got this!
Please note: it’s important to nurture the parts of us that are scared, but to also sort out irrational fear from genuine caution, which is our wisdom trying to get our attention. If we’re not sure which voice is talking to us, taking time for journaling, meditating and praying
will usually help us know. When the statements are harsh and negative as they were above, that’s usually fearful resistance.
Once we’ve addressed the source of the limiting belief and assured that part of us that we see
them and it's going to be okay, we’ll go back to their negative thoughts, and shift them, like this:
Good job signing up for that course! Who knows, this could really be awesome! You will find the time you need to follow through and feel proud of yourself. What a great investment and a loving gift to give to yourself and your business. Let’s do this!
Oh I got chills. Can you feel the difference in those two internal responses?
The process of switching out the internal language software each of us has developed is just that, a process. It takes time. Most of all, it takes repetition. We replace the junk thoughts with the exact opposite, the powerful truths we want to believe, and we immerse ourselves in the new truths daily (or multiple times a day), until they feel more true than the former beliefs.
We can short-cut the time to more healthy self-talk by increasing the frequency of repetition, but we can’t short-cut the repetition.
New messaging repeated over and over is the only way I’ve found to silence old messaging. I wish I could tell you these voices stay silenced forever. With consistent repetition, we do get reprieves, but life happens and new situations that stretch us out of our comfort zones tend to bring revised versions of negative messaging back into our minds. But we never have to live with it long.
This practice of internal dialogue modification is a life-long, conscious choice to control what’s playing inside our heads and it's available as soon as we become aware that someone switched the channel.
Want another powerful tip when re-writing the script of
your life? Always remember why you decided to do (or not do) something. Your WHY has to remain front and center in your thoughts, louder than any fear or negativity that may try to talk you out of making changes or taking actions that support your vision.
If a voice discourages you from taking an action today, remember it’s not the isolated action you are considering doing or not doing. Your response will determine whether or not you are going to honor your WHY. That’s what’s at stake when you consider believing negative voices.
If you’ve recently embarked on something new, or plan to make some changes at the start of the New Year, use your powerful mind to be your best advocate.
You are the boss of you. No matter what has happened in the
past, no matter what is happening right now, you can control your thoughts and determine how today goes, how tomorrow goes, and how your life goes from here on out. Be kind and gentle with yourself, and celebrate progress no matter how small. Every micro movement counts.
