A few weeks ago, I had several MRI studies done to get an updated look at chronic neck and back issues. Tests were ordered for my cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine, with and without contrast, which means after running all three series of tests, they would pull me out briefly to inject me with a dye and put me right back in for the remaining studies. 

 

They asked me if I thought I could handle all of that in one setting. They said I should be fine if I’m not claustrophobic, so I said ok, somewhat reluctantly. We can only guess how we would handle something like that in advance, but I hoped that I could manage. 

 

As it turned out, the tests lasted for a total of two hours and eight minutes. It was intense to be in there so long, attempting to maintain complete stillness, except when I was told I could wiggle for a few seconds.

 

They had me wedged in with all sorts of stuffing, arms restrained, so my wiggling capabilities were very limited. At one point, I took too deep of a breath apparently, and the tech had to repeat a four minute section. So even my breathing needed to be kept in check.

 

MRIs can give amazing insight into what’s happening in the body, and I’m grateful for the technology. However, while I was in there working really hard to meditate and be very still, I realized that if someone wanted to design a torture chamber for someone who is sensory-sensitive, this would be it. The absurdly loud noises made by the machine are quite possibly the best collection of nerve-grating sounds one could ever conceive. The only thing missing is the sound of nails on a chalk board!

 

I was constantly working to put mind over matter, and calm myself despite the small space, the loud noises, and the urge to move (breathe deep, swallow, etc.). I found myself firmly and repeatedly reassuring myself, Nothing is happening TO me. All of the noise is AROUND me. It’s not touching me. It’s outside of me. I'm okay.

 

The MRI experience is a perfect metaphor for other “noise” in our lives. Troubles and obstacles aren’t happening TO us, they’re happening AROUND us. Our job is to navigate them as best we can, without integrating them into our lives and our identities. And without getting so comfortable with them that we forget how to live in peace in their absence. 

 

We might be “in the middle of it,” as I was literally, but we don’t have to take everything on.

 

Practicing the mindful perspective of a neutral observer, while enduring an in-your-face challenge, can be exceptionally tough. Time after time, I have mistakenly invited difficulty into my space and lived with it as if it were part of me.

 

But turmoil is just a natural part of the journeys we navigate through. “Through” is the key word. We must remember that time doesn’t stand still. We are always moving through time and circumstances, even when it feels we are stuck and hard times will last forever.

I may not like everything that happens, but it doesn’t have to affect me or shake me to my core. I don’t have to mentally rehearse again and again the difficulties I face (what he said, what she did, or all the things outside of my control). I can see them, observe and honor my feelings, look for the lessons and move on.

 

For today, notice when there is a disturbance in your world, some external noise, however it shows up. Recognize that it is not happening TO you, it is happening AROUND you. Just for a moment, observe the sensation of knowing there’s a challenge without embracing it as part of you, or letting it command an immediate reaction. 

 

Be willing to be an observer when challenges surround you, rather than someone who is toppled by every wave passing through. Stillness and peace are waiting.

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